Girls Nights... IN!

After my last few weekends of being at the bar drinking until she closes, pretty much alone... I've decided to take a handle on my situation and do something new. A girls night IN!

Sounds like fun right? Well it is!

Friday Night I went to my friends trailor with her, her boyfriend, her great dane Titan, and her asshole of a cat named ....I dunno we'll say patches. -Just kidding it's misty, I wouldn't forget your cat's name then come back and revise my post later when I remembered to make it look like I never forgot... NOOO I wouldn't do that (LOL) We ate some food, played some cards drank some margaritas and cold beers, Ashley took a shot of sauza and barfed -it was her idea to do the shot of death, she lost, all is fair. All fun stuff, all fun stuff! 

Freaks \/ \/ \/

/\ /\ /\ Freaks

I remember going to sleep on the 'couch bed' with the great dane and waking up next to a cat, slightly wild trailor times.

It was such a beautiful day the next day we went for a walk with the dog and just had a nice relaxing evening.

On Saturday, I had my girl after supper when she came back from her sleepover at my little brothers. We played some games, watched a movie, she made me a cheese sandwich. I'm telling you she makes the best cheese sandwiches for a four year old. -Although mayo gives me the WORST god forsaken heartburns ever! INSTANT HEARTBURN! 

Then later that night her dad got home and we all curled up with the dog in a single bed and slept. Or well some of us slept. I was pushed uncomfortably into the wall the whole night. gonna try and make a diagram of how I sleep night time when were at stephens moms, no one should have to live like this.

This is us in a single bed. We simply do not fit, or at least I don't. Not to mention the blankets are under the dog and the mans feet and over maybe one and a half of my legs. I swear I'm the only one who gets cold too LOL

Next week I think I'm gonna try and stay sober. Me and my girl are having a weekend home. Finally!

Bonavista, Newfoundland

Photo Credit goes to www.briancareyphotography.com 

If EVER you visit Bonavista, Newfoundland you must go walk on their boardwalk, go for a ride up the cape as they call it to see the lighthouse and their 'caves', abd absolutely go see their beautiful church! These three things, you must do!

This long weekend instead of going on a massive party like I usually do, I instead went with my Dad and his wonderful family across the island to Bonavista. It was my pops birthday and we were celebrating because hes been in the hospital and hasn't been doing well.

SO, my dads family, they are all religious, umm catholic? I guess? They don't go to any certain church they just believe in the bible and lead very religious lives. They have a huge family and me and aaliyah joined them this weekend for three nights.

It was so much fun, got to go to the playground, spend time with family I never see, My girl got to meet family shes never met before, SHE LOVES THEM, and they love her :) but who couldn't shes the cutest. really tho she is noones can argue this point, her giggle is angelic. 

The whole time I only drank 6 beer I went out one night to a shed with my aunt donna where six of us ladies had a few beer listened to some good old country music and obsessed over Tim Mcgraw :)

PICTURES!

me, dad, my lil bro, and step sister?

me and my dads wife (not my step mom shes too young LOL thats what she says not me)

my child is the one dressed funny, my cousin?, and step sister? haha family is a fickle thing around these parts

all my aunts? uncles? and nan? definitely my dad in the white t-shirt and pop in the front haha again these people and I have no blood relation I'm adopted and haven't spent enough time around the people.

my girl and my little brother :) aren't they the cutest

What a Handsome young feller :)

"Cold, COLD BEER

...don't you ever worry! I am right here!"

This is me, missing the bandwagon altogether, I never just fell I missed the damn thing. Love this guy and this tune tho!

I just made a "Fuck This Shit" playlist on my youtube. Just my current mood.

I re-read my intro, my very first blog post for this recovery thing, I had such hope and people still say to me "remember when you were slowed down drinking?" my boyfriend says, "you were doing so well, quitting drinking, working out all the time..." Well, summer will soon be over time for changes... again.

Wish me luck. I'm definitely going to need it.

Goal:

Drink once a week, never exceeding a box of beer (12), or a dozen drinks, glasses of wine, etc.

Exceptions:

I know the word 'exceptions' may sound like 'excuses' but I really am going to try and do my best with this. The exceptions are weddings, birthdays, etc. Like big events... I find it hardest going to bars and not drinking, what the hell do people do at social gatherings without booze? ...and I don't like pop so thats out... 

I dunno!

Taking the Good times with the Bad times.

For lack of anything to say about my last weekend I've collected a dozen pictures to show partially what I've been up to! There's sooo much going on for such a small town it's unbelievable. 

First up, a gorgeous picture of my towns sunset just to set the mood ya know.. 

Also, I found a picture of me and my drinking buddies, these are the by's I drink with in the shed almost every weekend. I'll have you know they aren't tame.

Up next is my SO's grandparents 50 anniversary celebration (wine included)

mmmm.. wine.. I drank two of these suckers!

MY FAMILY! <3 literally the only picture of me from this night/day

...and last but certainty not least Albert's memorial fire. The moment everyone has been waiting for we all shed our tears and said goodbye to one of the nicest, funnest, amazing dudes ever. Everyone gathered behind his mothers house we held hands and a priest spoke on behalf of god. We told stories drank beer, lit a fire and lanterns. Close to 200 people must have been in attendance. It's never easy saying goodbye.

never forget you bud!

In other news its been a pretty tragic week, first I had to bring my baby to the hospital due to an infected splinter, then my car broke down just before I could do my road test, and the day after that my step mother, brother and two sisters got in a car accident (they're all fine, Thank the lord) Trust me if anyone needs a drink or two this week.. it's me. 

Thanks for reading loyal viewers. This blog and all my blog views really has surpassed my initial expectations and I'm so thankful.

When I met you in the Summer!

My official song of the summer I've chosen SUMMER by Calvin Harris.

very fitting me tinks.

As we all know summer time can get very hectic for over planning and being super busy. I've been so slack with my blog it's because there is so much OTG. From birthdays last weekend to weddings and birthdays this weekend, then I have a boatload of family on the way home, on to anniversaries, and a plane trip taking me to another wedding. I simply can't keep up.

And! as with all these events there's the booze. I cannot count how many drinks I've had the last week, and I'd be even worst off trying to account for the week before. I've gone completely overboard. Worst part is I didn't even get any pictures to share my journey with everyone.

Actually, something interesting did happen this week, I was informed that a conversation was had about me. Apparently no one can get over how a small 100 pound, four foot eleven chick, can keep up and put down beer for beer with the bys. I'm suppose to be proud of myself.

Next summer I definitely want to under plan my summer. Just spend time with my daughter. Which I have been doing. So far this past couple weeks we've been swimming twice, I've taken up babysitting her friend we've went for long walks on the beach and I've woken up every single morning next to her in bed for a cuddle. I even let her bring her dog Whiskey back to our home for a week (he lives with her grandma). 

Its the little things you know, Family.  

Speaking of family It was my mans 24th birthday July 6th! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING! I LOVE YOU xoxox. 

He's a great father, worker, lover ;) , friend and I wouldn't trade him up for anything.

Our 5th anniversary is on the 17th of this month, lets see if he remembers (lol).

On a Positive Note!

I have a new Puppy!!!! Named him after my best friend, (no, not you ashley) WHISKEY!

I know, I know! He's just the cutest! He's cuddly and fat and he pee's everywhere and he's just wonderful wouldn't trade him up for all the other whiskey in the world! We love him soooo much.

Heres my daughters new family picture she drew.

The tall one with hair is ME, the tall bald one is her Dad (lol). The small on on the left is my daughter, next over is my daughters best friend Ashton, whom she loves and misses and wishes her mom would move back with her! (Dammit Kyla bring her back LOL) and then the circle with legs is Whiskey! 

<3

My Journey on the Road to RECOVERY

Oh my here we go...

So alcoholism as everyone knows is a growing problem with this generations youth, i can 'blah-blah' all day about health risks, my concerns, all that crap, but if your reading this then you probably have some idea what I'm talking about. So, lets skip to the fun part.

The journey or what I'm looking to achieve. I simply want to get to a point where I can be happy with myself, either with or without booze. That's not a bad goal if you think about it. I just want to be happy with my substance abuse. I clearly have issues.

The Confession : I am a Alcoholic. The first step? Is it really admitting you have a problem? I think the logic here is flawed. Admitting it hasn't really gotten me anywhere so far. But I'm gonna play by the rules so there is that one.

The Story or my version of how I got here, quite literally sometimes, I have in fact wondered after a good (or is it bad) drinking binge "How in the hell did I get here?". Yes, tho a part of my back story just so you can gain a understanding about my particular role in said substance abuse. If you don't want to hear it or don't care... GET OFF MY BLOG! My name is Natalia, I've been drinking since before I can remember and I have a drinking problem/addiction... (lol)

It started before I was even born. I was born into a family of drunks just like everyone else on the island of Newfoundland. Pretty sure I didn't get a choice I was bound to drink, living with and around these people, whom I love dearly and don't judge. :) 

My first beer.. I was maybe 6 or 7. That sound's bad but I was a nineties child and parents were wild back then. My mother is great tho. She is the best despite all the crappy parenting decisions I blame none of this on her. 

Going back before the first beer I sometimes like to blame my teenage drinking on post trauma from when my moms boyfriend use to knock us around. So, we have that, I just wanted to throw that out there. Another thing is my 'dad', who is actually not my biological father hes actually just my moms best friend, a alcoholic who use to sleep on our couch, I don't actually know my biological father. I know what your thinking, boo-hoo another chick with daddy issues, get in fricking line. NO shut up, no issues here. I love my dad. He's my inspiration, WHY? because after plenty of years of drinking he successfully kicked all of his bad habits, quit the booze, turned to god, and now has an amazing career, company, and a big, healthy, growing family! 

A little farther ahead, I lived in this small town my whole life, growing up around here was soooo BORING, me and my friend Kim were maybe 10, and I have the notes and diary to prove this, I shit you not, we would save up money all week so we could buy a half box of beer on Friday. We'd drink two each and get so hammered.

I could go on and on about a shitty teenage life and bad choices and how sad and morbid my life was but I don't feel like telling it as I'm sure many don't want to hear it. Everyone reading this is like 'would you hurry the hell up and just get to the point!' I promise you I'm getting there, just hold on by' (lol) Moving on!

In the here and now, I pretty much go out every weekend and get drunk on Friday and Saturday sometimes I also drink on Thursday and Sunday. 

I feel like I can't go without the beer. I only see my friends when I'm out and about drinking with them that's pretty much all anyone does. Every social event is just another reason to booze it up, the mere thought of not drinking at a social outing, to people around here, is unbelievable, they'll say I'm pregnant, acting childish, or that I'm no longer fun to be around. I hate the nay sayers and the no friends when I'm not drinking, that's a big reason I drink constantly. Now, correct me if I'm wrong but that's just how I feel.

The How/What as in how this blog will work and what I'm going to do. So, the main idea is to give weekly updates on how my recovery is going, I guess a progression chart of sorts in blog form, if there is progression that is. It will be the good, bad and ugly. I want to post about my hangovers, how much I drank, stupid crap I done or said and most importantly why I want to recover. I am, despite what many think, taking this serious. I want to be better. A better alcoholic or even a better person. I believe there can be moderation in my drinking habits, I think I can drink a beer now and then and not fall off the bandwagon. I just want this to work. Here's to drinking in moderation. At the end of this Journey I want to come back to this and realize how right I was not how wrong. I guess we shall find out, which brings us to the next order of business....

The Pledge I pledge that by the end of this year I will be a better person. I don't want to commit to stopping drinking completely, just in healthy moderation. I pledge to be faithful to my blog, posting once a week. I pledge to put myself and my family before the booze and friends.

I can do this!

Week 1: This weekend I didn't have a beer on Thursday like I usually do, my man did however drink a beer. Which I should have mentioned earlier he is a big beer drinker. We like to enjoy a beer with our show on Thursday nights. Like any bad habit, this is part of my weekly routine. I did however drink Friday night, It's amazing how right now in my hungover state on Sunday that I can't actually remember what I did on Friday. After what seems like forever thinking, I did drink a lot on Friday it was a friends 50th birthday/supper I played poker pool with a bunch of men (and my man) suffice it to say I like to give them a run for their money when it comes to drinking around them. I get this sense of pride if I can out drink people. A therapist would have a field day with me. On Saturday i went on a skidoo run, I took one palm bay in my pocket, I said I wouldn't drink that day except for the palm bay and I said I wouldn't end up at the bar. I did both. I found it hard to be at all those cabins with all those people drinking around me. I had several beer then ended up at a local bar drinking alone for a bit, then I went home, planning to stay in, until my friend invited me down, we drank a full bottle of champagne, played Yahtzee, and I don't remember going home. I do however remember cooking KD and onion rings when I got here. I feel like shit today. Typical hangover, headache, mouth tastes like ass, shakes, achy, memory loss, appetite loss and trouble thinking or forming thought. Overall NOT A GOOD WEEK. I want to do better! I WILL do better next week. Tune in Sunday for my next update. Happy Healing Everybody!